Life Choices, Establishing Priorities, Acting Like an Adult, Headaches, Test Results

I just don't feel like myself this week.  I had Monday Misery, which is not my usual deal.  I have been grumpy, tired, and short-tempered.  Today, I have a headache, which I never get.  It is right in the dead center of my forehead and face, and completely encompasses both eyes.  The pressure is very uncomfortable.  I haven't been able to get my butt out the door to exercise this week.  I have been creaky and achy in my back and knees and neck.  I have had such high energy since starting low carb ten weeks ago.  In contrast, this week just feels so strange.  I am uncharacteristically low energy and just plain, old miserable.  Sigh.  I don't think it's the diet.  I am wondering if I'm sick, hormonal (see also, my birthday post and evil kate post), or starting up with my seasonal allergies. 

I just had a comprehensive blood screen at the doctor's and looked at my results.  Mostly everything is good and normal.  My glucose, after eating lunch, tested at 96 (which is normal for fasting blood sugar, so pretty good for midday after lunch).  My blood pressure has been consistently low.  My cholesterol is pretty good: its a little high, but the ratio is really good, and my HDL level is high. 

My estrogen count is way way up.  My new doctor confirmed my PCOS diagnosis yesterday after an ultrasound.  She said that my estrogen is elevated because I haven't ovulated in months.  So, I have started taking progesterone to induce a period, then I'll take clomid to induce ovulation.  Hopefully, this will start the old ball rolling.  Can extra estrogen make you beastly?  I am wondering.

So, the whole point of figuring out this PCOS thing, and getting my body in gear, is because I am, at least now, not ovulating and therefore infertile.  Hubby and I have been thinking about having another child. 

After going to the doctor yesterday, and talking about conception and stuff, stewing for a while, then getting Satan's own headache and being short with the wonderful daughter I already have, I began to feel that I am not ready to have another child at this moment.  I love kids.  I love my own kid to the moon and back and I am so proud of her that it makes my teeth hurt.  Part of me really would love to have more children.  The other part of me, which has been silent for a while, thinks that I should get my shit together, lose my weight, enjoy being thin and healthy, and revisit pregnancy when I am healthier overall and will have a safer pregnancy.  I also want to be able to hang out and do adult things that I have only recently been able to do… like join my friends for a movie or happy hour.  That same part has also suggested that I should think about focusing on my career.  Career and new baby don't necessarily jibe, you know.  (Not unless your significant other is willing to be a Mr. or Mrs. Mom… and mine isn't).  Both parts of me have been positively screaming "PRIORITIES, ESTABLISH YOUR FREAKING PRIORITIES", although they clearly disagree on what those priorities should be.  Is it just panic?

Let's make a list of priorities:

1. Keep a close eye on the health of my dad and grandma, and be the health bouncer in my family.
2. Spend time with my family.
3. Get healthy.
4. Get my billable hours on track at work.
5. Get City and related stuff in order.
6. Enjoy being an adult.
7. Take on a hobby.
8. Think about having another baby.
9. Think about running for office again (I really want to take a term off).

That feels right to me.  I have to sit with it for a while, but for now, this feels like what I have to do.  I feel this need to take care of and preserve what we already have, before we add anyone or anything else in to the mix.  

Why do I feel selfish and kind of sad?  Am I depressed?  I just don't feel like myself!  I am going to go back through my old blog posts, and remind myself that I am usually a happy person who feels well!!!

Ow.  The headache has moved on to the top of my head, my temples, and behind my ears, despite the acetominophen I just took.  Maybe I should wait until I feel better before I make any Life Choices.

They say its your birthday...happy birthday to ya! Weigh in...

I did not design this schedule, such that I would end up weighing in on this, my thirty-first birthday.  That was just happenstance.  I am up .5 pounds, which I believe to be a product of having my birthday party last night.  My food was all strictly low carb (love that BBQ joint), but I did indulge in some wine with dinner, and champagne later at night with just me and hubby.  It was so good.  I am a little mealy mouthed today.  Gonna weigh in again tomorrow and see if there is a correlation between bad weigh ins and "the day after".  (Note: I already know the correlation between “the day after” and gastro discomfort...a little binding…)

This was a good weekend for me…despite the fact that Friday evening started out stressful, with an angry call from a loony relative, which I met with my own brand of ferocious, righteous anger (little did he know, I was still nurturing a little "evil Kate" in my bones, to which I gave full force and effect).  That incident aside, Saturday was a good birthday weekend kickoff for me.  Family and I painted our own pottery at a local studio, home for lunch (and a failed attempt at “skillet” cauliflower pizza), then mommy went to the spa for a facial and massage.  Ah, sweet, sweet bliss!  I left that place  with legs like wet noodles.  It was just what the b-day called for, a little self-indulgence. 

Now, dehydrated and somewhat disgusting, I am going to suck down some H20 and get my booty to the gym for some “back to reality” (as if daylight savings time wasn’t enough of that).  Luckily, I have really been excited to get back to the gym after my freak, "club kid" knee injury.

Oh happy happy day (of my birth)!!

3/8/11 - tired and injured. blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahl-co-hol

Exercise: I am tired today.  I hurt my knee on Saturday, and it does not feel good still.  I am a little bummed because I really want to keep up with the schedule for the Race training program that I’m on, but I’m not stupid and realize that I don’t want to really hurt myself in the process.  So, patience.  I have to go pick up the Rx my MD called in for me for some extra strength naprosyn, that should hopefully help out.  On the upside, I truly want to go to the gym.  I hate it when I’m there, but a part of me really likes that I’m getting my ass in gear and actually going on a regular basis.

Diet and Alcohol Consumption: Well, my “food” is all strictly low carb.  However, this weekend and last night I drank some alcohol.  Although I had relatively low carb beverages (wine and some martinis), alcohol is definitely not allowed on Atkins or I&N.  The Spanish ketogenic diet allows red wine, but I’m not on that diet, and I’m not really into fish enough to want to get on it.  So, I hope that doesn’t muck things up.  My weight was down on Sunday from the week prior despite my night of drinking on Saturday, but… I really exercised and busted my hump dancing on Saturday night, so I wonder if I would have had a greater weight loss on Sunday had I not had the alcohol.  There is a lot of discussion online that alcohol can really delay the weight loss process on a low carb diet.  However, I have been testing and I’m still in ketosis, which is a good thing.  

Ketosis: In fact, I’ve been in ketosis for… is it really three weeks??  Let me check… Yes.  I’ve been officially in ketosis since 2/17 (which is when I began testing), although I was probably in ketosis on 2/15, when I first started noticing the metallic taste in my mouth.  It is March 8^th.  That’s 21 days, or exactly 3 weeks.  Yikes. 

Notes: I clearly have to input into my food journal everyday, or I forget what I ate and have to put “I can’t remember” into the journal.  Jeez.  When did my memory get so bad?  You know what it is…I’m just not as into food as I used to be.  I think that I’m starting to make the transition into “eating to survive” instead of “eating for pleasure”.  Because, while I certainly find food pleasant and enjoyable, I’m definitely not into it like I was before.  Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to eat that birthday cake on Sunday, and the brownies at brunch on Saturday, and the pasta on Sunday, but it wasn’t really a big deal to avoid it.  I did feel a little awkward on Sunday, though, eating a troth of lettuce and chicken (4 thighs…how embarrassing!!) and having to field questions about why I’m not eating pasta or cake.  My answer: “I’m eating gluten-free these days”.  Why do people pay attention to this stuff?  Generally, I fess up to low carb with family or friends (at some point, they figure it out themselves anyway, and at some point, you get invited to an event, and you need to make sure of what’s for dinner, so that you can bring your own or augment as necessary), but sometimes you just don’t want to hear people criticize the diet.  Worse, is when people tell you that it is okay for you to cheat “just this once”.  I actually looked at the diabetic uncle who carelessly made this suggestion on Sunday, pointed to his massive slice of deep chocolate cake with peanut butter cream filling, buttercream frosting, chocolate ganache and huge pieces of chocolate artfully sticking out of the top like a delicious version of a hedgehog (a truly beautiful, gourmet, designer cake), and said “Uncle John, that cake on your plate probably has at least 300 grams of pure sugar in it.  Neither one of us should be eating it.”  He was suitably chastened, and reminded that it is not pleasant to be told, in public, what you can and cannot (or should or should not) eat.  I walked into another room, had a glass of water, and watched some tube until they were done with the cake.