Musings, hormones, and self appearance (Not Quasimodo)

Yesterday, I kicked a little ass on the elliptical machine.  Oh yes, I did.  I always thought it was way harder to do than the treadmill.  However, now that I’m old, I realize something.  It can be distinctly uncomfortable to run on a treadmill due to the concussion that running causes to my prematurely-aged feet, ankles and knees.  Ouch.  The elliptical eliminates that concussion.  Also, I realized that the action of picking up and putting down your feet makes you breathe harder.  Oof.  So, the elliptical is actually easier to do than the treadmill.  That makes me wary of whether I will be able to run the 5K in May.  I mean, if the treadmill hurts that bad, the pavement is going to have to be even worse!  I don’t want to really mess up my joints, but I do want to run.  The elliptical gets my heart racing, but it doesn’t simulate running.  What to do, what to do.  I am going to have to make an appointment with my MD anyway, so this is just one more issue that I’m going to bring up.

I had some ridiculously good corned beef and cabbage in the office cafeteria today.  I am still starving, though!  It is nearly impossible to low carb snack at the office, as I left my new bag of almonds at home, and I have no other noshes here.

I am wearing a new outfit that I just received for my birthday yesterday.  It is a dress and sweater, size XL, and both fit comfortably, I am happy to say.  I can really tell a difference in my body as a result of my weight and measurements loss to date.  I appear a lot narrower in my profile view, and the top of my butt does not look like a shelf you could rest small photographs on.  (I am slightly exaggerating).  Clothes just look better on.  When I try to squeeze in to pants that are still a little too tight, I don’t have a muffin top thing happening.  Its good.

I am not excited about my vitamins.  Part of me really wants to blow them off.  I hate taking them – ick.  They are too big, and there are too many.  But I know that I do feel better on them, and my hair and skin looks better.

I think that I am hormonal, which is surprising, and surprisingly, a good thing.  I was looking back at my personality-related posts of last week, and man, was I a hardcore, beastly, bitch of a woman.  Also, I am all broken out on my chin.  These are, traditionally, signs that I am getting my period.  However, I haven’t gotten one in a while, because I haven’t been ovulating. 

My doctor suggested, years ago, that I may have PCOS, or poly cystic ovarian syndrome, because of some of the symptoms I was having (irregular periods, facial hair, overweight despite diet changes).  She sent me to a nutritionist, who put me on a low carb diet (which I never followed).  I never followed up on it. 

Now, I’m starting to think about having another child, so I’m consulting with this new MD, who has one all of this testing on me and is taking another look at my old medical records from my last OB and primary care MD.  I stopped taking the pill back in December, and I haven’t had a period since.  The new MD says I’m not ovulating, and we’re trying to figure out why.  Since I’ve had these PCOS symptoms forever, the MD said that it was practically a miracle that I got pregnant the first time. 

Now, I feel distinctly like I’m about to get my period, which only happens if you’ve ovulated.  So, if I got my period without medical intervention, that would be a good thing. 

I’d like to believe that as I get healthier, my body is getting back on track and will be operating normally.  Boy, I’d like for it to operate normally.  I would really like to not have scalp psoriasis (I’m flared up and hating it right now), and I would like to have the ability to get pregnant (even if I don’t actually try to get pregnant right away).  I would also like to get off of these high blood pressure meds, get my cholesterol well under the recommended max for normal, not have joint pain when I run, and never have my freaking back go out again! 

I know that all of these are good goals.  The true, overarching goal, though, is to feel like a normal 31 year old, and not like someone who periodically feels like she’s 80.  I’m tired of feeling like a scaly, hairy, mean, old geezer.  (Jesus, I just make myself sound like Quasimodo sans hump!!)

Looking better in my clothes, while satisfying, is just NOT ENOUGH.  Come on, old body, get with the flipping picture!

3/8/11 - tired and injured. blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahl-co-hol

Exercise: I am tired today.  I hurt my knee on Saturday, and it does not feel good still.  I am a little bummed because I really want to keep up with the schedule for the Race training program that I’m on, but I’m not stupid and realize that I don’t want to really hurt myself in the process.  So, patience.  I have to go pick up the Rx my MD called in for me for some extra strength naprosyn, that should hopefully help out.  On the upside, I truly want to go to the gym.  I hate it when I’m there, but a part of me really likes that I’m getting my ass in gear and actually going on a regular basis.

Diet and Alcohol Consumption: Well, my “food” is all strictly low carb.  However, this weekend and last night I drank some alcohol.  Although I had relatively low carb beverages (wine and some martinis), alcohol is definitely not allowed on Atkins or I&N.  The Spanish ketogenic diet allows red wine, but I’m not on that diet, and I’m not really into fish enough to want to get on it.  So, I hope that doesn’t muck things up.  My weight was down on Sunday from the week prior despite my night of drinking on Saturday, but… I really exercised and busted my hump dancing on Saturday night, so I wonder if I would have had a greater weight loss on Sunday had I not had the alcohol.  There is a lot of discussion online that alcohol can really delay the weight loss process on a low carb diet.  However, I have been testing and I’m still in ketosis, which is a good thing.  

Ketosis: In fact, I’ve been in ketosis for… is it really three weeks??  Let me check… Yes.  I’ve been officially in ketosis since 2/17 (which is when I began testing), although I was probably in ketosis on 2/15, when I first started noticing the metallic taste in my mouth.  It is March 8^th.  That’s 21 days, or exactly 3 weeks.  Yikes. 

Notes: I clearly have to input into my food journal everyday, or I forget what I ate and have to put “I can’t remember” into the journal.  Jeez.  When did my memory get so bad?  You know what it is…I’m just not as into food as I used to be.  I think that I’m starting to make the transition into “eating to survive” instead of “eating for pleasure”.  Because, while I certainly find food pleasant and enjoyable, I’m definitely not into it like I was before.  Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to eat that birthday cake on Sunday, and the brownies at brunch on Saturday, and the pasta on Sunday, but it wasn’t really a big deal to avoid it.  I did feel a little awkward on Sunday, though, eating a troth of lettuce and chicken (4 thighs…how embarrassing!!) and having to field questions about why I’m not eating pasta or cake.  My answer: “I’m eating gluten-free these days”.  Why do people pay attention to this stuff?  Generally, I fess up to low carb with family or friends (at some point, they figure it out themselves anyway, and at some point, you get invited to an event, and you need to make sure of what’s for dinner, so that you can bring your own or augment as necessary), but sometimes you just don’t want to hear people criticize the diet.  Worse, is when people tell you that it is okay for you to cheat “just this once”.  I actually looked at the diabetic uncle who carelessly made this suggestion on Sunday, pointed to his massive slice of deep chocolate cake with peanut butter cream filling, buttercream frosting, chocolate ganache and huge pieces of chocolate artfully sticking out of the top like a delicious version of a hedgehog (a truly beautiful, gourmet, designer cake), and said “Uncle John, that cake on your plate probably has at least 300 grams of pure sugar in it.  Neither one of us should be eating it.”  He was suitably chastened, and reminded that it is not pleasant to be told, in public, what you can and cannot (or should or should not) eat.  I walked into another room, had a glass of water, and watched some tube until they were done with the cake. 

Race in the Park!

Okay, I have created my Race team for the upcoming CTBHI Race in the Park.  I am very excited.  I want to complete the CoolRunning couch to 5K program by that date, May 7^th, so that I can run the 5K if I want to, in lieu of (or, I suppose, in addition to, doing the 4K walk).  This is my goal.  Let’s do it!