Friday, March 4, 2011

Sweet Sweet Friday

Things are going well.  I'm still in ketosis.  However, although I continue to follow the diet, I do so without thought.  So, I'm not really feeling like I'm dieting anymore. 

I am having some concerns about craving.  I am not really "craving" anything as in "I'm obsessing about it and I can't stop myself from bingeing", but I can't help but want to eat some sweets.  Oh, sweetie sweetie sweetie sweets, how I lust to imbibe you!  I now have a few low-carb things in the house that I made myself, which I could consume and technically not break I&N rules... like my low carb almond macaroons and my low carb individual cheesecakes.  But I am conflicted. 

I feel guilty and I want to be good!!  I want this WoE to work.  I&N don't limit your intake of cheese, cream, or nuts.  You can have sweets as long as they are low carb and don't contain a huge amount of sugar substitutes.  My sweet treats comply with I&N... but I've been following this Atkins forum online, and I've reread DANDR 2002, and Atkins induction restricts you to 4 oz. of cheese, 3 tbsp of cream, and no nuts, daily, on induction.  No peanut butter on Atkins - but on I&N peanut butter is allowed.  I am torn, because one of the things that makes me able to stick to I&N is that I don't feel deprived because I get to enjoy the foregoing items which are prohibited at this stage of Atkins.  The problem has been that I've followed I&N well, and though I'm losing inches, my official weekly weigh ins have remained static for a few weeks now.  So, I'm torn.  DANDR 2002 promises (but will it deliver?) greater results with only slightly more restriction.  I&N is easier for me to follow and still keeps me in ketosis.  I mean, if I'm in ketosis, and I'm exercising (which I will today, God help me, its been a nutso week), the fat should be melting and the weight should be dropping.  What about the Spanish Ketogenic Diet that produces liposuction-like results (and requires daily ingestion of red wine, which is prohibited on I&N and Atkins)?  I need to make a choice about which specific ketogenic WoE I am going to follow, or I think that I risk falling off the boat entirely.  My fear about falling off the boat is not because I am craving, or because my heart is not in it - I fear carelessness and inattention will lead me astray, and I'll find myself back to where I was 6 weeks ago - uncontrollably snacking at night, with one carby snack leading to another and to another...  So, I have choices to make.

Can I just say, holy crap, I can't believe that I am at the end of the 5th week of this diet, and according to I&N, my only cheats have alcohol-related (the champagne fiasco on V-Day, one glass of wine with Pete a couple of weeks ago, and 1 martini last Saturday).  I have to give myself mad props (is that term still cool with the kids?) for sticking with this for such a long time.  I have never, ever, been so good on a diet and lasted this long.  I think the credit goes to me - but not to the thinking part of me, or the "willpower" part of me (which I have not really had to exercise), but the endocrinological parts of me, which, if the ketosis experts are right, are no longer causing my brain to shoot out the message that I am in desperate need of fried chicken and chocolate cake NOW.  I do miss these things (and I will find an excellent low carb fried chicken recipe if it kills me), but I am not fiending after them like an addict.

When it comes to food, I am a different person than I used to be.  I feared for a long time (until very recently) that I had a food addiction or compulsion that I could barely control.  I had never really felt true "hunger" (like rumblings in my belly) but I always had the intense desire to eat, which I was often unable to ignore.  Indeed, to me, "hungry" or the need (not desire) to eat has only ever been manifested by a sudden bout of dissiness or nausea.  When I ate, I never felt satisfied with the food I ate.  There were two postprandial reactions for me: either I had deprived myself and was still hungry, or I had stuffed myself to the gills and was sick to my stomach.  I&N has changed everything: I haven't felt hungry since the first week of this WoE, and I certainly haven't felt stuffed to the gills either.  I am feeling satisfied with meals for the first time ever, and I don't get that intense desire to eat anymore. 

What does this mean?  Answer: this diet has challenged my well-established perceptions about myself, and as a result, I learned a great deal about me and my body, and I no longer criticize myself for my former “failings” in weight management and control.

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